I love wierd.I love being wierd.I love wierd people and I love wierd thoughts.The wierdo that i am i have wierd thoughts every other second.
From dating a millionaire to dating a couple..is that a step up or step down for me ?
The thought of how i will pluck my own eyebrows in Manchester is killing me so i was wondering if power of plucking is power of attorney ?
Why does every man have to be a BATMAN in the/his cave ?
Will i ever find a person to whom i can say "You own my heart" ?
Is snow a magical blanket ,does it hide whats ugly and makes everything beautiful ?
Is there a difference between having a good time and being a good time for others?
If you tilt to the right when you kiss you are said to be more emotional than the one who tilts to the left.Is that true?
Will i ever find a guy who is so hot that he has to tell me that im not a jungle gym dont jump on me?
Is it the reflection in the mirror that scares you?
Can anyone be so mean and say that the only way to look thin is to hang around with fat people?
Why has no one ever complained about a parachute not opening?
Am i tired of men acting like boys?
Will i be happy if others share even wierder thoughts than these ?Yes i think i will be.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
It wasnt just another lecture
Lately iv been in a confused state or rather it would be only true if id say i have been confused always, all my life.Confusion continues and i wonder when it will end.So i took a stand and thought id work upon it.
I went to this lecture where a Guruji was talking about life,karma,dharma,soul and God.Before the Guruji entered the followers started singing for him.To my surprise i just started crying without any reason.No reason at all.I dint know why the song made me cry.When Guruji entered and started talking i felt he was just talking to me.Once again to my surprise i couldnt control my tears.For the first time i felt and went through something iv never believed in.After the lecture i was normal again in a flash of a second.Wanted to rush back to the crazy madening fast life of Mumbai which is full of loud music,booze,flashy clothes,fake people,random conversions,bitching and friends.I felt some power was pulling me and calling me back into the bad world where i feel i totally belong.But this time it was different.Something else was pulling me back as well.Dont know what it was but for a fraction of a second i felt and i heard voices in my head saying stop doing the wrong things,stop loving what you dont have to,stop running behind things which give u temporary satisfaction.I tried to listen to it but the pull of the bad world was way more powerful.And once again i was left all confused.
Eventhough i was confused its easy to guess that i obviously choose the bad world.Once again like last two weekends i went partying and laughed my guts out while the mojito's did the magic.I started feeling that the mojito level in my body was rising each day.But i dint care much to stop enjoying.Again the weekend.Friday night no plans is just not an option.I got uneasy at home.But as always at 11 i started getting calls.Calls from various people who guranteed loud music,mojito's and heart to heart conversation.But this time i decided to go out with a friend who iv recently met.I have never partied with just a friend.I believe party means too many people.But this time i broke my rule as i love doing that.So there i go to Aurus with my friend.My friend happens to be a mojito fan as well.So we sip on the best mojito in town and start talking.I had never imagined that partying could be so much fun with just one friend.Had a blast and then we called it a night.Next day as usual started with a hangover and then a house party at a friends place.Booze,loud music once again.Got up next morning just to realise that what that guruji said was totally right.This is fucking temporary happiness,temporary satistfaction.There i was...More confused then ever.
There i was uneasy ,irritated,angry,frustated and CONFUSED.Once again im dreading the weekend.I somehow from within wish the good power pulls me harder this time.I guess the addicted fool that i am il still party this weekend but gradually il be over this temporary satisfaction.I have started believing in THE LAW OF DIMINISHING UTILITY.
Im amazed by what one lecture has done to me.It hasnt stopped me from partying but its made me aware of what i am doing is just a phase.I will get over it.I have to find something else which makes me happy forever.I have to find something that doesnt upset me the next day or next morning.I have to find peace with myself.I have to get over the fact that i attach myself to every and anyone.I have to get myself attached to him the guruji who asks for nuthing but believing and knowing yourself.
I know i am not going to change over night .May be ill take a month or a year.But somehow today i feel my gut says i will gradually change and be the person i want to be.For the first time i am not confused because i know he will take me the right way.Yes it wasnt just a lecture.At first i thought it was but i guess he wanted me to realise this myself.And im glad i went for it.
I went to this lecture where a Guruji was talking about life,karma,dharma,soul and God.Before the Guruji entered the followers started singing for him.To my surprise i just started crying without any reason.No reason at all.I dint know why the song made me cry.When Guruji entered and started talking i felt he was just talking to me.Once again to my surprise i couldnt control my tears.For the first time i felt and went through something iv never believed in.After the lecture i was normal again in a flash of a second.Wanted to rush back to the crazy madening fast life of Mumbai which is full of loud music,booze,flashy clothes,fake people,random conversions,bitching and friends.I felt some power was pulling me and calling me back into the bad world where i feel i totally belong.But this time it was different.Something else was pulling me back as well.Dont know what it was but for a fraction of a second i felt and i heard voices in my head saying stop doing the wrong things,stop loving what you dont have to,stop running behind things which give u temporary satisfaction.I tried to listen to it but the pull of the bad world was way more powerful.And once again i was left all confused.
Eventhough i was confused its easy to guess that i obviously choose the bad world.Once again like last two weekends i went partying and laughed my guts out while the mojito's did the magic.I started feeling that the mojito level in my body was rising each day.But i dint care much to stop enjoying.Again the weekend.Friday night no plans is just not an option.I got uneasy at home.But as always at 11 i started getting calls.Calls from various people who guranteed loud music,mojito's and heart to heart conversation.But this time i decided to go out with a friend who iv recently met.I have never partied with just a friend.I believe party means too many people.But this time i broke my rule as i love doing that.So there i go to Aurus with my friend.My friend happens to be a mojito fan as well.So we sip on the best mojito in town and start talking.I had never imagined that partying could be so much fun with just one friend.Had a blast and then we called it a night.Next day as usual started with a hangover and then a house party at a friends place.Booze,loud music once again.Got up next morning just to realise that what that guruji said was totally right.This is fucking temporary happiness,temporary satistfaction.There i was...More confused then ever.
There i was uneasy ,irritated,angry,frustated and CONFUSED.Once again im dreading the weekend.I somehow from within wish the good power pulls me harder this time.I guess the addicted fool that i am il still party this weekend but gradually il be over this temporary satisfaction.I have started believing in THE LAW OF DIMINISHING UTILITY.
Im amazed by what one lecture has done to me.It hasnt stopped me from partying but its made me aware of what i am doing is just a phase.I will get over it.I have to find something else which makes me happy forever.I have to find something that doesnt upset me the next day or next morning.I have to find peace with myself.I have to get over the fact that i attach myself to every and anyone.I have to get myself attached to him the guruji who asks for nuthing but believing and knowing yourself.
I know i am not going to change over night .May be ill take a month or a year.But somehow today i feel my gut says i will gradually change and be the person i want to be.For the first time i am not confused because i know he will take me the right way.Yes it wasnt just a lecture.At first i thought it was but i guess he wanted me to realise this myself.And im glad i went for it.
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