January 2010…A new start….New Beginning
Came to Manchester with a lot of things on my mind. Things equal to baggage. Baggage equals to fights, insecurity, commitment, love, hate, emotions, passion and the list goes on. But turns out British Airways dint allow excess luggage. Technically they did but id have to pay for it. I wasn’t ready to pay because it was my new life and dint want that extra load. Had to leave the excess baggage on the airport itself, which I did. But I just couldn’t let go of one thing. I thought it was OK to carry that 1 extra kilo . So I did. Thought id always carry that 1 extra kilo with me wherever I go. Seemed like always and forever. But just realized that I no more believe in “Always and Forever” . Does it exist? If ud ask me this a few days back id say yes but I don’t feel it anymore. Anyways so this year is dedicated to the future .Fuck the past. I am sure gradually everything will seem irrelevant and then it will be irrelevant.
New year equals to new resolutions. New resolutions only happen when you have new realizations.
Realization Number 1 :
23 yrs of my life I thought I was heterosexual. But recently after madly falling in love with Cheryl Cole I thought again. Realized I wasn’t heterosexual , I wasn’t Homosexual. Realized I was TRYSEXUAL - I believe in trying everything once. Thought fair enough lets try TRYSEXUAL this year. And if it works out will stick to it.
Realization Number 2 :
Everything in Manchester has an expiry date. Name one thing that doesn’t. So thought why not use this in my everyday life .How about enjoying every bloody moment I have here to the fullest because its going come to an end soon. Why shouldn’t I enjoy every minute her e before it expires(gets dirty).Then I wondered does friendship have an expiry date? Do I still believe in Long-Distance-friendship? Will I be able to keep the distance relationship forever? The answer was clear….started with N and faded away.
Realization Number 3:
Disposable. Hated the word earlier but somehow iv started loving it now. How awesome would it be to dispose things you dont want without getting hurt. Dispose emotions for an example. Recycle them and use them to do something productive. Will really have to work hard on this one.
Realization Number 4:
Obsession. I recently realized im obsessed with shoes. Always thought why Sarah Jessica Parker went gaga over shoes.But I totally realised im a shoe lover as well. Difference being I hate heels and love flats.Im So obsessed with my phone that some one asked me what time it was. I removed my phone and checked the time when I had a watch on my hand. Obsession makes you do things. I get obsessed with people as well. So I emailed a friend. Opened my heart. Let each and every feeling out. Wrote to my friend about everything iv felt so far and the time had come to say good-bye and what the friendship meant to me and why I couldn’t be a friend anymore. Turns out The Friend wasn’t that obsessed with ME.Was obsessed with OWNSELF. All my friend wrote in the mail was about his/her life. Not a word was written about ME. Not a word was directed towards me. All the words were directed towards someone else. Not a word was written about the friendship. So I realized OBSESSION was a bad thing for me.So This year is going to be the No Obsession year for me.
Realisation Number 5
There is no right or wrong. There is just the consequence of your action. So I have to stop feeling guilty and pick a choice and face the consequences. But then I had a thought “Is a morning of awkwardness better than a night of lonliness”.Had no answer….still finding one.
Realisation Number 6
Will definitely not have an ADD(Another dating disaster) this year.This time its going to be forever and always.Did I just contradict what I wrote earlier?No I dint. I wont.I never will.
Realisation Number 7
I promise and realize a million things every minute.So this year is going to be action first and talk later year.Did I contradict myself again?
